Dear Natural Deodorant,

I really wanted this to work.

You said all the right things….”paraben free,” and “aluminum free.” You promised cool and fresh when you said “cucumber & mint.”

But you let me down when I needed you. Not a day goes by that I don’t expect to break a sweat.

I’m better off with your toxic deodorant friends, with their endocrine disruptors and cancer-causing chemicals. At least they can handle me.

You and me might be good together for, say, a day-shopping-with-friends. But that happens, maybe, once a year (depending on current pandemics). I need a deodorant for the long haul. One who is there for me.

Maybe you’re too nice? I insist upon being taken seriously. I’ll consider giving you a second chance if you change your formula.

But until then, don’t wait up and don’t call.